on asking God

I feel like I always try to make my prayers all fancy to the extent that I don’t really know what I am even saying to God - so I sure can’t really and truly mean whatever it is that I am saying. For example, I often complain to God a bunch then say “I trust your plan for me” and I really, really do want to trust Him. But do I actually?

The reason I started thinking about this is because I just prayed about something that I’ve been super anxious about recently. I finished by saying "...what do YOU want me to DO, God?” realizing that these words just kinda came out of my mouth - and that I don’t really know if I have consciously asked Him that question before. Truly. Like I have wondered, “hm, I wonder what God is wanting me to do in this situation” but I don’t believe I have ever genuinely acknowledged him and asked and wanted to know what He said.

God does have a plan for me. But that plan, I believe, also requires action on my part to help me become who He created me to be and I refuse to continue to sit around waiting for things to fall into my lap simply because I timidly offer Him some kinda watered down faith. 

Instead I wanna say Lord! I’ll do whatever You ask of me because I trust that it is best for me. I’ll do whatever You ask of me because I trust that it is part of Your plan. I’ll do whatever You ask of me because I trust that it will strengthen me and draw me closer and closer to You. I’ll do whatever You ask of me because I know that it will deepen my trust in You.

I think a good way to try and understand what God wants for & from you is to simply ask Him. And when you feel like you don't have an answer - continue asking. God knows the direction that He wants to lead us - He knows every single step that He wants us to take along the way. I just realized it makes no sense to sit back and relax and not even question what I could be doing to follow and love Him better. I wanna be someone who asks God what He wants for and from me. Someone who actively chooses to seek what He desires and provides for me that I may be in step with Him and His plan for me.