walking in love
Around this time last year, my grandfather developed a very aggressive form of cancer and passed away a few months later. While we cherished every moment spent with him until then, it was emotionally draining and very difficult to see him in that condition, suffering the way we all knew he was even if he didn't blatantly show it. It was sudden and quick and shocking.
To explain what kind of a man he was, he was one of the most selfless people I've ever met, and I am honored to have known him and be able to learn from him while he was on this Earth. I am so thankful that he raised my dad, uncle + aunt the way he did, and that he loved everyone he encountered so well.
After getting sick, he had a very difficult time wrapping his head around everything that was going on around him; no one knew that when he walked out of the house he lived in for 50 years that it would be the last time he would ever see it. He, as well as everyone else, was taken aback by what had so quickly become of his life. He and my grandma lived together and were happily married, enjoyed attending every single (and I mean every single) Oak Ridge sporting event, in addition to going to see the grandchildren play, and making surprise visits in Knoxville to see the family. They were the sweet, joyful couple that everyone dreams of being one day.
Eventually, he went to a rehab facility that provided the advanced care he required, and my grandmother was moved to an assisted living home - no one knew how much he really took care of her and how much she truly relied on him on a daily basis. There was just no way she would be able to take care of herself without him. Every time we visited him, he asked my dad, his "spiritual counselor" :') as he referred to him, to say a prayer with him before we left. Every time, he broke down in tears, unashamedly bawling in front of all of us. On the way home, I would always ask my dad why he cried like that. Is he scared? Is he sad? Is he worried? Is he happy crying? Is he overwhelmed?
Keep in mind that my grandpa quickly lost the ability to talk unless it was just a few words, so he spent most of the time listening and thinking. One day, after my dad prayed with him, he asked my grandfather if God was telling him anything. My grandfather looked over with teary, but hopeful eyes, and simply and very slowly said, "that He loves me." I cried hearing this for the first time, and I am crying writing this now. How sweet it is to be loved by the Lord.
I praise God for the fact that my grandfather passed away peacefully being able to know how loved he is by his family and everyone he came into contact with, and most importantly, by the creator of the Heavens + the Earth.
I still don't know why he got so emotional during those countless prayers. I think his sadness and confusion got the best of him in the beginning, but I want to believe that these feelings turned into moments of realization and peace in the last weeks of his life. I hope, more than anything, that he was able to take his last breaths knowing at the center of his being that he got to return to his real home to be with the God who loves him endlessly and comforted him during this time. I take the most peace in knowing that God never left his side throughout the entire situation, just as He does for all of his children. How cool is it that God chose to comfort my grandfather just by declaring his undying + never-ending + immeasurable love for him?
One of the things I took away from this is to challenge myself and others to walk through life knowing that we are loved, because I think knowing that we are loved by our Creator would dramatically change the way we live. Imagine how our hearts and minds would be changed if we remembered, every day, the extent of the love that God has for each of us. I pray that I will see and hear Him sweetly whisper "I love you" to remind me what really matters in this short, short life, just as my grandfather was reminded. He loved people so well because He loved the Lord and understood how much He loved him, too. He knew what this life is all about. So, go live in love. Appreciate this life with every breath you are given and love the people around you just as the Lord loved you.
Spivey Douglass, 1939-2017
deuteronomy 7 : 9 Know therefore that the LORD your God is God, the faithful God who keeps covenant and steadfast love with those who love him and keep his commandments, to a thousand generations.
psalm 136 : 26 Give thanks to the God of heaven, for his steadfast love endures forever.
john 15 : 9-17 As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love. If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and abide in his love. These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full. This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you. No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you. These things I command you, so that you will love one another.
