expectations

I no longer want to be someone who expects things from God. When I say this, I mean that I don't want to expect certain things or situations from God in the way that I am disappointed with Him when my expectations aren't met or prayers aren't answered in the way want them to be - that’s called entitlement. I simply want to trust in Him & His promises, knowing that He is good, His plans are good, and He loves me. I, like many others, have a pretty detailed list in my head of what I want my life to look like.

5 words. And I can't emphasize them enough - Michael Todd "Relationship Goals Reloaded"

This series in particular has taught me so much about God-honoring relationships of all types, but has also carried over into so many other aspects of my life. Episode 2 is called "Rip Up Your List" and it definitely stirred something in me, especially throughout this year.

My "list" looks a lot like me setting certain milestones for my life - not in a healthy goal-setting way either. More like, "I expected to be in a relationship by now" or "I thought I would know what I want to do after college by now" and "[this circumstance] should be going much better and much differently than it is" etc etc etc. These expectations, when not met, cause me to be disappointed and frustrated with God, when I probably didn't even go to Him about these things in the first place. Being disappointed in God over things He never promised in the first place causes me to waste the season I am in.

I compare my life to other peoples’ lives and assume mine should look the same way. When, in reality, that is probably not at all what God has in store for me. And that's amazing! Because He is good and I would much rather it be Him writing my story because He will make sure I meet the people I am supposed to meet, do the things I am supposed to do, and learn the things I am supposed to learn, and I pray that all of these things ultimately lead me closer to Him.

Having this so-called "list" means that I am disappointed with God due to the expectations I put on Him. I wrongfully assume that just because I desire something "good" that it means that He will provide for me in the way I want or expect that He will. God promises a lot of things, but none of His promises include providing certain things or people or experiences in the seasons we want them the most, and maybe not at all.

Recently, I have prayed that my thoughts, actions, desires and heart becomes more aligned with Jesus and who He is. The more you spend time with someone, the more like that person you become. I want to be attracted to the things that glorify and honor Jesus and I want to center my life around those things. If I am praying that He guides my heart, mind and desires, then I know that when things do or don't work out according to my own "list" then I know that He always has my best interest in mind - He is more concerned with my destiny than my desires.

I think one of the best things he included in the sermon was talking about how we do not have to be "happy" or put on a show about the way our lives are going. However, this is only because we can be frustrated, sad, or stressed but still choose to trust in God and His promises and choose to not let these things define us or our lives. We can say "this sucks, but I trust you" - but there's a big difference between that statement and "I trust you, but this sucks." Acknowledging our trust in God after pinpointing the disappointment we feel about something means that our trust and confidence in Him is the thing we are choosing to focus on and rest in over everything else.